The Best Twilight Fanfic EVER!
by TheMustachioedBandits
Summary: No good @ sumaries, MUST READ! Way amazin.


A/N: Heyz guise, so dis is awr frst fanfic! Its gonna rock like stana does! Cuz were all gothik and stuff so its gonna be so cool! Yeah…so………….peaches to Chris and Cyd! Lets do this girlz!!!!!!!!111!!!111!1!1!!!!! O btw dis is Ray

Yo. My namz Helana Josephine Hulio Ricarda the fifth. I just moved here to Sproks because my mum is a douche and I didn't want to live with her anymore lolz. So I moved her with my dad Chalrie and hez like 'lolz, Helana. Ur ttly cool n evry1z gonna love you."

So anyway this one time I was movin in and my dad, Carlies, was like ttly on my case and I was like go away! And he didn't leave me and I'm like 'ur such a kreeper!' and then he left and I'm like 'god1!11' except I don't believe in god cuz I'm atheist, I bleive in the flying spahtgetti monster he's tottaly cool.

so anyway, after moving to forks it was the first day of school. i Got up and put on a green t-shirt that matched my brown streaked red hair. and i put on a black and PURPLE mini-skirt that came up to my knees and put on black, deep purple pumps.

"I'm READY!' I told Charlie. "Okay, Helena.' he said and gave me the car keys to my new car from 1978. it's an orage Volvo named Bella (see what I did there? It's funny!). Anywayz, I drove to school and my friend Cara was there.

"OMG, Helena, you look so cute!' she sadi and flipped her purple streeked red hair out of her face.

'ya I know, so do you.' I said 'I'm nervous. this is my first day of schol.'

'It's totally okay, you're gonna be so popular!1!" Kara shouts loudly. I know' i said and flipped my hair out of my face. I grabbed my bags my bags and went into my first period clas.s Gym. I'm really bad at gym. I'm like that one guy off of that movie...u know this one where the guy has really big hair and the wrench hits that one guy in the nuts lolz.

anyway, so i'm like trying to hi the ball and everyons makin funn of my cuz i cant but i ignore them cuz theyre looking at my secxily. cuz i'm really sexy with ice-green eyes and my browns-treaked red hair.

"Hi." one of them said. Mike smiled at me. I smiled back. He's really cute, like a baby-doll except a boy (duh).

"Hi' I said back sexily. He smilled at me. I smiled back.

'So do you wanna go out?' he asked.

Ok'. I said. He kissed my passinately.

"whoa' I said and pshhed him away. 'we don't know each other yet.'

'so?' he asked and grabbed my hand. 'i gota go to pe but i'll see you later?'

'ok' i said and smiled and left and went to science. as i walked in i saw this realy sexxiiii guy with red hair and gold eyes. he kinda smiled at me but i ignored him, cuz i'm a taken woman already and i'm used to having people look at me, cuz i'm hot, you know.

there was this really ugly prep sitting next to him. She was really pale with boring brown hair and eyes the same color as the sexxxiiii guys. I sniffed the air. They both smell like vampires. like me! OMFG I haven't been able to find vampires forever. I got turned when I was like ten, and I had to grow up like a vampire. It's really hard butt that's okay because now I'm hot and everyone likes me because i have the power of lust.

'hello?' the teacher, an old guy wiff a blad head said. 'hi' i said back and smiled at him sexily. he blushed. Pedophile.

'um.....................take a seat behind Mr. Cullen.' The teacher, Mr. Lautner (lol see what I did?) said and pointed at the sexxiii guy and the bichie girl. ''ok.'' i said and strutted over to the seat behind them.

'hi' i said leaning in to the guys ear. he stiffened.

"Are you a vampre?" he blurted out. the girl beside him whips around. i smile sexily. 'yeah. are you'

'yeah.'

'I'm Edward.'' he said and shook my hand. I held it really long before i let it go. ''this is my wife bella.' i laugh in her face. wife. pssh.

'I'm Helana.'' I said and giggly girlyishly.

'Stay away from my husband bicsh.' bella says angrily. i stick my tongue out at her. shut hup' i say.

'My father wants to mee tyou.' Edward says. I simile at him. 'i'll come with u after school then.' i say. and i leave for lunch.

* * *

So how'd u like it? i tink its prety good! so review and chris and cyd you guys peaches!


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